Pre & Post Operative X-Rays (From my 1997 surgeries & body traction)

So, I've been waiting quite some time to take photos of my pre & post operative x-rays from my surgeries & full body traction circa 1997, ... and today I finally did it! Yay! I do plan on creating a more extensive post than this in the very near future, but for now, I will simply post my x-rays from way back when to start things off. I am also in the process of getting copies of my more recent x-rays. Specifically the films which show a better picture of what my spine now looks like as a result of the deterioration, degeneration, and early-onset OsteoArthritis in the L4, L3 & L2 vertebras above my fusion region. In addition, I plan on posting my most recent slip found in my neck, located at the C6 & 7, which thankfully is a grade 1/2, but is certainly still troublesome! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to type away! 

                      Pre-Operative 1997 - Complete slip called Spondyloptosis

Post-Operative 1997. After full body traction, which increased my height by 3 inches, but L5/S1 still sits at a grade 5 Spondylolisthesis. 

Soma Body Massage & Reiki Energy Work Therapies

I have dealt with a number of chronic health conditions - including 20 years of chronic pain issues - and through my journey I have sought and experienced a number of treatments. I have been fortunate to find a few treatments that help, and of course, several others that don't.

As a general rule we have two areas of medicine to choose from when it comes to everything from diagnostics to treatment options for any given condition. Western medicine offers many wonderful and accurate ways of diagnosing conditions, along with providing some very helpful treatments, specifically surgeries and certain powerful drugs to keep us alive. But, there's also something missing from the western medicine model of healthcare. In my opinion, crucial concepts for healing the body, as well as most preventative care, are not part of the western medicine equation.

By the time I was given a diagnosis, my spine condition had become so severe that the only way I was going to survive - and hope to avoid paralysis - was through a series of complex surgeries and medical procedures. Had my condition been caught earlier on in the disease progression, some alternative healing modalities would have gone a long way towards improving my condition, ultimately lessening the required surgical intervention and even limiting, if not eliminating the permanent nerve deficit which is now a part of my life.

One cannot go back in time, but, I can share my gained experience and knowledge with anyone willing to listen. Two healing practices which have greatly improved my health, my overall functioning, and my life, are called Soma Body Massage and Reiki Energy Healing. I have witnessed many amazing positive effects from both forms of treatment within my own body and life, as well as witnessing similar results in others' lives. I would not promote either of these practices if I did not have 110% confidence in their power to assist in healing the body.

My mom found the practice known as Soma Body Work/Integration about 6 months prior to my surgeries. I began sessions in the Fall of 1996. Typically 2-3 sessions a month. While my pain never truly eased all that much - specifically due to the extreme slip in my low back - the results of the Soma sessions were pretty unbelievable. I went into surgery in the Spring of 1997, and before going under I was x-rayed to verify the exact placement of the vertebras. With the 6 months that had passed, the surgeons anticipated an increase in the slip degree, but to their shock & amazement, my spine had actually began moving upwards in the direction and position is was supposed to be. Before beginning these treatments my mother had conferred with the doctor to ensure the safety of the practice. He said that there was no harm in it, but that it was likely a waste of money, as if it relieved the pain at all, it would only be for a very brief time. 

Well, Soma is not your typical massage work and boy was he blown away by the results. As the story goes, he walked into the waiting room and shared the surprising news that there had been movement in the spine, and not in the undesired direction. He was boggled and couldn't figure out why or how this could happen; he's never witnessed it before! My mom just smiled and simply said, "Soma." 

In the provided additional links, please take a moment to view two sites which fully explain each respective therapy/treatment/practice. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or would like information for a referral to a Soma and/or Reiki Practitioner, please message me at Healthandillness@gmail.com. 

You can also find me at my Spondylolisthesis blog: 

http://Spondylolisthesisgrade5.blogspot.com. 

Resource Websites for Soma & Reiki: 

Soma: http://www.soma-institute.org/

Reiki: http://www.reiki.nu/reiki/reiki.html

Soma Institute - Soma Neuromuscular Integration

www.soma-institute.org

The Need and Lack of Compassion & Understanding with Chronic Illness

Anyone like to share about their struggles with getting family and friends to understand what they deal with in regard to chronic illness? I will start by sharing a piece of my story and subsequent feelings and experiences around this subject. 

While I've had a few family members and friends who have been supportive, understanding and empathetic - in relation to my chronic illnesses since day one - I've experienced more negativity, and a general lack of understanding, from the majority of people in my life. I know that this issue is not an uncommon one when it comes to those who battle any chronic illness, and I am very interested to hear how others have dealt with this matter. 

Some people offered genuine understanding, support and empathy, right from the onset of my symptoms, while others ... well, let's just say that I'm still waiting! And, to be very honest, I do understand that unless you've dealt with a similar issue yourself, it's really hard to relate to what another may feel in this respect. I've even had a few experiences where a person has come back to me after they too found themselves in a similar health related battle, and apologize for how they treated me. Admitting to the fact that they judged me based on stereotypes that many have when it comes to their ill counterparts. While I certainly don't wish any illness or medical problems upon anyone, it is nice to have some validation for what you've been dealing with, especially after being so harshly judged and/or criticized. 

It never ceases to amaze me how people take things personally; believing that because I don't feel well, and therefore, I am not physically able to go out and do this or that, that it's an excuse and that it's about THEM ... Not about the simple fact that when you don't feel good, you don't want to go out. Sometimes you can barely muster the energy to get dressed! I know that's hard to wrap your head around when you're a generally healthy individual ... Heck, only a few years ago, I really couldn't grasp how a shower & getting dressed could be exhausting and leave one completely unable to continue on without a rest! In a world and a life full of healthy, young and energetic people, that concept couldn't be more foreign, right?!? 

As a general rule, It's a hard to say "no" to people, especially when you're a polite "people pleaser" ... It's hard to have the same miserable answer for every question that entails how you're doing and feeling ... It's hard not to feel guilty ... It's hard to feel like you're screaming at the top of your lungs and not being heard ... It's hard to disappoint people on a regular basis ... And, it's hard to accept the fact that your body no longer does what you want it to, nor feels like you'd expect it to feel at thirty years of age! Learning to say "no," and not feel guilty about it, has been a really tough life lesson for me. But, as the years march on, I am becoming a pro at it .. or perhaps a really confident and experienced minor leaguer, lol. One thing that makes me so frustrated with all of this, is the insinuation that in some way, shape or form, one actually enjoys being and feeling sick the majority of the time!

Before I became ill with my auto immune diseases, I was only dealing with my spine condition, Spondylolisthesis, and it's various related issues. I had my surgeries when I was 15 years old, and afterwards, for about 8 years or so, I functioned pretty normally. I had little pain in comparison to before my surgeries, a considerable larger degree of energy compared to the present day, and of course, no additional crazy symptoms (ones that can stop you dead in your tracks, like chronic nausea, extreme fatigue and fevers). Even in this glorious state of physical being I once enjoyed, I still had to pace myself; being careful not to over do things so I didn't throw my back out, or become overly tired from the resulting pain. But, all in all, I was pretty darn healthy, and certainly very active considering the severity of my spine condition. I worked two part time jobs during high school and half way through college, and went to school full time. I also had enough energy, and general sense of well being, to conduct the rest of my life without blinking an eye or thinking twice. My apartment was always emaculate, even with three crazy kitty cats and a very messy boyfriend. I had an active social life, and spent a lot of time with my family as well. I even had the time and ability to throw in a few of my favorite hobbies, along with my intense workout schedule, which topped off at 3 hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week. 

Yes, I felt pretty darn good during that time, and I couldn't conceive of how one might struggle to do the most basic things like bathing or folding laundry. But, even during this period of time, I found that I couldn't do it all, or at least as much as many others did. Many people worked full time and went to school full time; something I was unable to do myself. I was fortunate enough to have a supportive family who helped to pay for my college degree. Something that I know is not always a real possibility and option for others, and I am beyond thankful for that gift of a good education. During the last two years at UW, I decided to stop working (as I wasn't making much money anyways and I was able to do better in school if I was in less pain, therefore, more rest and less stress was required). While I was grateful for all I had - especially my ability to walk following my surgeries - I still struggled to some degree, and couldn't simply compete with others in many regards. I remember talking to this one girl after class and sharing pieces of my life. I revealed that I was not working, along with a comment about how I was doing in the given course we were taking together. Her reply was full of sarcasm and attitude, and really took me by surprise. She said, "Well, if I was as lucky as you are and didn't have to work because Mommy and Daddy paid for my school, then I'd be doing as well as you do too." This comment bothered me in a number of ways, but most specifically, it irritated me because if I could, I would have traded my less than stellar body for her healthy body in a heartbeat! I told her as such and she seemed to understand, at least I'd like to think she did. Still, that comment, and ones like it, have long tortured me. I would prefer to be healthy, pain free, energetic, etc., and therefore, able to work and go to school full time, verses not! For someone to say that they'd rather be in my shoes and experience chronic pain, depilating symptoms, fatigue, etc., than have a healthy body and be able to do all they want and need, simply makes me more angry and nauseous than I already am! Plus, it feels really invalidating in many respects as well. I can't imagine saying something like that to someone else, friend or stranger alike. 

In the past few years, as my illnesses have progressed, those latter activities, like bathing and doing laundry, have become very big tasks, and forget going out and being social! Even if I feel decent (not flaring and experiencing massive inflammation in my face and joints, nor look like an accident victim as a result of my skin presentations), by the time I am done getting ready, I am exhausted! It sounds so very ridiculous to many of those who can't even fathom what it's like to live in a body that is battling multiple chronic illnesses and disabilities, but for myself and many others, it's a very sobering and painful reality. Somedays I break into tears; overwhelmed with these ongoing battles, in a war with my body ... a war in which I ponder the possibility of being victorious. My significant other will look at me and ask what's the matter. The question almost feels comical now. I can't even begin to put all of my pain, sadness, frustration, and even anger, into words. Plus, I am so beyond tired of answering that question ... trying to explain why I feel the way I do, and why I rarely get a break of feeling good. To put it simply; it is all beyond frustrating. At times, I want to scream: "I don't enjoy being sick and I don't want to be sick! I want to be normal, healthy, energetic, and I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to everybody!" I guess sometimes it's good to scream and let it all out. The little girl inside of me wants to show everybody that I could be as talented and successful as everyone always anticipated I would be one day. She angrily wants everyone to know that she's just as disappointed in herself and the situation, and beats herself up enough for everybody ... and therefore, doesn't need the guilt, the judgement, the criticism, and lack of understanding. 

Yes, contrary to this post, I really do try to be positive ... I swear I do! I guess I just needed to vent ... and let others know that they are not alone in feeling these emotions revolving around chronic health problems. I hear it a lot: Friends, family, and even medical professionals, lacking a general understanding and placing a lot of judgement onto those with a chronic illness. It seems so unfair to me, as most of those I've met who struggle with some kind of illness, well, they already feel terrible, and they want so badly to be like everybody else; to be active, energetic, feel good, focus their energy on life and not survival. I've also found that a large number of those with illness are or were overachievers and perfectionists, and that not being able to do it all, and do it all to perfection, is maddening and heartbreaking, among a few other adjectives! 

I don't wish any chronic illness or disability upon anybody. It's not fun and it's not a way of getting out of doing this or that and being "lazy!" One thing that certainly makes living with any chronic illness a bit easier is having understanding, validation and less judgement, from those in one's life. I've mentioned the document called "The Spoon Theory" in the past, but considering the subject matter of this post, I wanted to make mention of it again for anyone who can relate to what I've just discussed. The concept of The Spoon Theory highlights, in simple and relatable terms, what it's like to have a chronic illness. It's both great for validation if you struggle with a chronic illness yourself, as well as better describing what it feels like to have a chronic illness to others who generally don't and can't understand. If you've never read the piece before, I would encourage you to take a peek now! 

What does it feel like to have an auto immune disease and chronic illness?

Having an auto immune disease feels like a gradual yet steady descent into a deep dark damp hole. Similar to that of depression, but not the same paradigm. As you begin to fall there are a few people that notice and try to reach out and grab you, but you are not able to hold on for very long, soon finger tips lose touch and the hole tightens its grasp. From this hole you have a hazy window to see life; where you get glimpses of all the things you once held so important. You watch it all pass you by, and with time gaining speed, you make attempts to climb out, but you simply exhaust your body even more. Sorrow, anger, and plain frustration, are common place ... and, after a time, you don't want to "explain" how you feel anymore. You don't have the energy, the desire, the will to get others to understand. Heck, you are in a daily struggle for your life, you cannot waste your precious fleeting energy on words; words that so frequently go unheard anyway.

There are a few days - absolutely wonderful and overwhelming days - where you actually feel like a human again. Unsure of when to expect such a day, especially as the years roll by and your "bad days" outweigh your "good," you often awake with a better sense of your old self, like meeting someone that has been packed away and brought out for a special occasion. You seem to have little or no control over this person, or that of the obviously less desirable "sick person." All you know is that when this person, and this seemingly healthy body appears, you must take advantage of all it has to offer. I must say that this is a big pitfall in the world of a person living with an auto immune disease. Especially true for someone whom is dealing with a very active period (better known, and often referred to as a "flare"), with no sign of a remission in sight. I say this because someone living with a chronic illness - an illness which involves itself in nearly every facet of one's life - is truly walking a tight rope. 

A "balancing act" is putting it mildly when looking at how to have a "normal," and semi active life, while struggling with such an illness. I cannot speak for other people living with the same or similar conditions, I can only speak for myself, but, I do believe that many would agree with me when I explain that "overdoing it" on a "good day" is a common occurrence. As a former perfectionist (former only because I could/can no longer physically deal with the pure energy perfectionism requires), a good day presents itself with so many "things" to do. So many things have been left undone, waiting for your attention, literally in every part/area of your life (from financial issues to personal relationships, and everything in-between), and when you have an opportunity to tackle the wide array of items that have been torturing you from afar, you try to get as much accomplished as possible before you drop from exhaustion. Unfortunately, because you are trying to put a few weeks of activity into a day or two, it is very easy to overdo it, which clearly creates imbalance, and is usually just too much for a less than stellar body.

Plain and simple, when your body has been hijacked by some ridiculous condition, you cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, function at the 'average person's' level. You simply cannot get even the most basic things done in an entire day that would easily be accomplished by a healthy energetic person in an hour or less. You are lucky (and happy), to be able to get out of bed, take care of your own hygiene, feed yourself (if you can stomach food or even have an appetite) and make a good attempt at contacting the "outside world." 

To some, perhaps many, individuals like this appear lazy, and are very frequently labeled as such. While putting myself in these outsiders' shoes, I can completely relate to how one might view such a person, as no one truly "gets it" until it touches their own lives in an intimate manner. And, even when something of this nature is in your life everyday (say you are living with a loved one whom is experiencing the grasp of a chronic illness), you still don't really get to a level of complete understanding and true empathy.

I get it, it's hard to understand. It's difficult to grasp, and then deal with it on an everyday basis. Having compassion on a constant basis is a strain on the other party as well. Trust me, if you are that other person in the equation, we know that you want to scream, pull your hair out, and tell us to just get better, dammit! And trust me, there is nothing more in this world that anyone with a chronic condition wants than to just BE NORMAL AND HEALTHY. It's not fun, it's not comfortable, it's not what "life" should be, nor is it what we want.

After you are asked repeatedly how you are doing, how you are feeling, ... as well as things more sarcastic, like, so ... when are you going to feel better? - even while many questions are simply out of love, respect and concern - it becomes harder and harder to answer, or even speak to at all, as the answer feels like it will never change. And I do believe that many people become fearful that perhaps it won't. At least this has become a very real fear for myself. I think too, that because such an all encompassing health related condition can feel as if it has saturated your life (and often it does), it absorbs a lot of one's being and fills the many corners of the person's existence, even when it is actively resisted. This leaves the disease in control, and it very quickly and easily begins to feel like you are the disease ... that it is the only thing that defines you. This is a tough place to be, and again, you find yourself trying to partake in a balancing act.

As for this very moment, I need to take a deep breath and take a break. I am trying to teach myself better ways to cope. Not to overdo everything when I get that special day when the old me is a resident in this very alien body. I'll let you know the results. Thank goodness that the perfectionist is simply unable to function, as she would have lost it a long time ago!

Chronic Pain Anyone?

Chronic pain. The phrase, or rather, state of being, makes many of us cringe with great discomfort and resistance from the get go ... but unfortunately, so many of us deal with it every single day of our lives. It makes daily functioning - everyday activities - extremely challenging, and affects many, if not all areas of our lives. Those who battle chronic pain know just how much it can affect energy levels, attitudes, mental and emotional states, along with our general interactions and behaviors in our world. It is always on our minds, sometimes so much so that we cannot sleep, participate in activities, even eat. Chronic pain literally drains us; depleting our energy levels so much so that it is a struggle to get out of bed some days. And, once we open our eyes and make that first movement to get out of bed, we are faced with the challenge of "getting going," so to speak. We quickly and easily become exhausted from dealing with the pain which emanates throughout our bodies, and for some (myself included), the pain is so great that it feels as though one's body has been hit by a mack truck during those hours of sleep. Depending upon the cause and source of the pain - which may be experienced in a variety of ways - one thing seems to remain consistent: It is a daily struggle which is always present, creeping into every aspect of our lives.   

Pain is our body's way of telling us that something is not right within one of our many body systems. It is meant to alert us to a problem, and in turn, we are suppose to either "fix it," or stop the action/behavior which is causing the pain. But, when we are faced with a permanent health problem/condition/illness that results in continuous pain (and therefore, the problem is not fully corrected), we have to seek out different ways of "solving" our pain problem. So many of the "solutions" for chronic pain, provided by the medical community, are more or less "band-aide" fixes. Of course, there is the popular "medication fix," which does not truly address the problem, although for those that have too much pain to deal with life, it is often a necessary evil. On the positive side, medication may assist in decreasing pain levels, resulting in the body conserving and directing more energy towards healing the core problem(s). Surgeries, and other medical procedures, are common place for western medicine providers as a means to solving pain related conditions. But, I must say, that in my experience many of these "solutions" only lead to more problems, rather than fixing the underlying issues. And, I fear that there are a few too many doctors out there whom are a bit too excited to jump to the surgery route, but, that is just my humble opinion, not a fact. Of course there are situations that require surgical interventions in order to save a person's life, and I understand this as well, as I faced a similar dilemma. In my personal situation, while my operations and procedures promised not only to save my life (which they did), and reduce the pain (to a good degree for several years), the outcome was far from what was suggested or anticipated, and to be frank, my pain remains a life long struggle. When an individual does require surgery, more often than not there remains a mix of ongoing and unpredictable problems as both a direct and indirect result. It's typical, at least in my experience, that many doctors and healthcare providers often bill a given procedure or surgery as a complete fix; a fix that promises a solution to the given condition, end of story. All of us dealing with chronic pain - whether it arose from a spine condition, injury, illness, or any other countless health condition - know the truth. And the truth being: That there is no true "fix." No matter how grand, no matter how praised the procedure, or skilled a physician, there is no simple, quick or perfect answer to the pain problem. So many people want to believe in that fairy tale. And it is understandable, as we hate to see our loved one's in pain and suffering firsthand is not a joy either, especially if it is a long term and daily experience. It seems unending, and honestly, much of the time, it is. 

Medical science has come a long way in a short period of time. That much is true. But, for all of you fellow chronic pain sufferers - those whom battle chronic ailments and diseases like cancer, auto immune diseases, spinal conditions, transplants, severe infections, and so much more - know that no matter how spectacular the presented solution appears, there is no band-aide which truly sticks. This is why I have believe it is so important for those who suffer with chronic pain to share our stories and provide each other support, empathy and compassion. While there are many causes for our pain, we all deal with similar struggles, face the same challenges, battle the same attitudes, navigative the same painfully broken medical system, and fight for a sense of normalcy with everyday that passes. I hope that anyone and everyone who deals with chronic pain may feel that they can share their stories, their tears, their anger, and their accumulated knowledge & experience on this page. I hope that we can provide each other some support, resources, and the "do's and don't's," all in the name of decreasing the pain.  

Chronic pain sufferers are the only ones who can truly empathize and hear other chronic pain sufferers. The same sort of rule is witnessed with both chronic illness and other serious long term health conditions. It is a struggle to get others in your life to really "get it." I find that while they try to understand, try to sympathize and be compassionate, it is nearly impossible for them to understand the full magnitude of chronic pain when they are not in it everyday, every minute, like we are.  I know that many of us try to remain quiet about our pain, not to bother our significant others or family and friends. And that as a general rule, we try to avoid sounding like we are "complaining." And we are not complainers. We are usually survivors ... courageous survivors at that, and all of whom endure far more than anyone should ever have to deal with in a lifetime. It becomes beyond frustrating to get others to truly understand that we do not enjoy being in pain, nor do we enjoy having the same answer to the question, "how are you feeling?" This struggle often interferes with, and strains relationships and friendships. It can make us doubt ourselves, our bodies, our minds, and can result in an internal, and seemingly hopeless battle of anger, frustration, and sadness. 

I believe that this issue is similar to the struggle so many of us face with doctors, and convincing them how we feel in our own bodies. We know ourselves better than anyone else. Yes, even better than the "god like," "know it all" doctors, whom often try to tell us we are crazy or depressed when they can't find an answer to our pain and constellation of symptoms. It is an easy train to jump on, not to mention a frequently travelled train ... It allows the doctor to appear competent when they doubt themselves (which they rarely admit to), and with their authority and status, we begin to doubt ourselves, believing that our pain is not real, or that we are crazy, selfish, and/or attention seekers. It happens so often that we begin to ignore our best advocate; our intuition. When we are ill, dealing with so much pain, facing daily fatigue, and literally struggling to get through the day, we have little energy left to battle doctors, question their authority and push for help. I have experienced this first hand more than once, and it nearly resulted in my death, and ultimately changed my life forever. I would like to note that I do not dislike all doctors, and do promote visiting a provider(s) whenever your health requires. But, I want to emphasize how important it is to listen to your own voice, trust your gut, and not buy into the idea that the doctors know all and should not be questioned. From both my own personal experience, and from observing and listening to other's, I have seen a pattern that seems to occur far too often, one which I find frightening.  

I will post blogs to this page that describe various personal experiences in the "field of pain"... situations, stories, experiences, and interactions, that others that would likely not fully or truly understand, unless they too have been in the throws of chronic pain. I will also add my findings when it comes to what has worked for my pain, and what hasn't cut it. Two treatments/practices already mentioned in the blog include Soma Body Massage Work and Reiki Energy Work. You may read more about the practices themselves, as well as how they have helped relieve my pain. There are additional website links provided which are related to sites which further detail the practices and where you may find providers in your area. If you have any questions about said practices, please don't hesitate to contact me! Also, please add your own suggestions, as we can never have too many ideas and suggestions for the relief of pain!!! My desire for this blog subject is simple: I hope that it may allow a dialogue to open between all of those whom experience chronic pain, so that we can share, support one another, listen and truly hear each others pain and struggles (because sometimes that's all we need, no judgement, no comments, or even suggestions, just someone that really knows how you feel and can therefore provide validation in your experiences). There are obviously a lot of different ailments, and with all these various conditions comes a variety of surgical procedures/options ... Some are more successful than others, some are "newer" and/or "experimental," and many can only be found at certain medical hospitals, universities, communities. If you have information regarding any procedure, providers, hospitals, etc., please provide any details that you may deem important and ultimately helpful to someone dealing with the same or similar situations. From my experience, given the level of patient privacy rules these days, it is often hard to get all the information you need, the nitty gritty of the details, what to expect, how a doctor performs (even personality), and all can help a fellow chronic pain patient find a good fit for their health care choices ... hopefully, making their future a bit better through knowledge that may allow them to avoid certain things, and ask certain questions.

Finally! Answers to my chronic illness ...

It took over 4 years to get an answer, a diagnosis, or rather, diagnoses, for my auto immune conditions. After seeing one doctor after another, finally, on April 11, 2011, I found the doctor who would bring many of my puzzle pieces together, forever change my life, provide much needed answers, and finally, validation of my health battles and a direction for hope. I am told I have two sero-negative auto immune diseases: Psoriatic Arthritis and Ankylosing Spondylitis. Both help to explain a number of my symptoms and many years of suffering, although there remains a few question marks; symptoms which do not fit into the category for either disease. So, with that, my Rheumatologist has hinted and suggested that there's likely a third, although those answers are on hold for now. Getting these diagnoses was like a victory for myself, for my life, my body, and even for my past. 

As a little girl I played many sports. Everything from volleyball, softball, tennis, gymnastics, dance, ice skating, and my most beloved, soccer. I was very active and loved being competitive. I felt great pride and accomplishment through both my own self and by way of other's reactions to my achievements in this arena. I also desperately wanted to please everyone, adults in particular. I was raised within a society which told young people not to question authority, not to doubt the opinions, beliefs and statements of your parents, teachers, and of course, the doctors. Some kids seek attention by doing negative things, I wanted the opposite; attention and praise for the positive things, and I sought it out as often as possible. So, of course as a young child and teenager the last thing I wanted was to disappoint someone, especially the adults. I wanted to make them proud and happy, not ashamed and angry. Being an overly sensitive person only increased my reactions to things, and I clung to every word, hand gesture, even facial expression, worrying constantly that I have done something wrong to make another mad, disappointed or upset in some way. 

When the pain started in my low back I was only 9 years old. I had yet to go through puberty and didn't have a full understanding and ability to recognize my body, but one thing I did know for certain: I was in pain and a lot of it. At first it came intermittedly, brought on or aggravated by more aggressive activities and sports, but I didn't pay it much attention and left it at that. As the pain and overall discomfort grew worse I was unsure if this was simply how everyone else felt in their body, and while I did say I was in pain, I only did so rarely and quietly, as not to upset or worry anyone. As time passed the pain became to much to bare when it came to playing sports, the last to go was volleyball. I remember the last day I played the game in fact .. I was good at it and the team looked to me to be a good player, and that day's pain was beyond horrific. I had to leave half way through and didn't live up to my typical abilities. My parents, especially my father, didn't understand why I needed to stop, and frankly, I wasn't sure why either, I just knew I was in great distress. Just like the rest, I gave up the game of Volleyball, with many thinking I was being lazy, or at least that's what I perceieved, especially since my doctor's had repeatedly said I was fine after each visit I came and complained of pain. Turns out those doctor's knew exactly why I was in pain, but didn't do anything about it ... although one later wrote in her notes that she was surprised I was still able to walk due to my extreme condition of Spondylolisthesis ... yet not one word of confirmation of my pain and complaint. I still wonder if that doctor simply hated me, as why would anyone with half of a heart allow a child to continue forward without any help knowing the severe and probable consquences of my condition? I can't answer that question. I don't think I will ever know, but it's always remained in the back of my mind, and in the pit of my stomach. She later went back and revised my records to make herself not appear at fault ... simply to save her own ass. The other doctor's made my x-rays, three years worth, vanish into thin air .. leaving no record, no footprint of me and the progression of my life altering condition. Both doctors got away unscalthed, able to continue practicing medicine. Sickening. 

As a child I didn't have a voice. I had my intution, which told me something was very wrong, but I didn't have the right words, the strength, the power to continue speaking up and fighting for my body. You do not question doctors ... at least that's the general belief and unspoken rule. And as a child, you are dually gagged, as they are both an authority figure and experts, how dare one question them when you're simply a child? You don't. Instead of continuing to voice my struggles, pain and tremendous growing discomfort, I wanted to please everybody, not create any problems, ... so I stopped; ultimately, I shut up. As a result I literally witnessed the edge of a cliff, coming close to falling off. And, while I didn't fall off, .. while I'm alive and still walking, my life was forever changed in so many permanent and not so wonderful ways. As an adult I was not going to allow this same scenerio happen again. I was not going to give up or shut up, and I vowed to continue listening to my body and stating the problems, even while people were annoyed and questioned my sanity. Yes, a lonely and long road to travel indeed, but I did it, and as a result, I won a big victory for that little girl inside of me who had no voice. Perhaps my past experience was a set up and a needed lesson in order to navigate this more recent struggle ... I am not sure. Although, I must say, that had it not been for that little girl, the pain, the suffering, the battle I nearly lost, I am not so sure I would have been so persistent this time around. 

Approval for Social Security Disability benefits

The economy of both our own country, as well as countless other nations throughout the world, have been strained to a breaking point in the last few years. With this depressed state of being, and massive stress incurred, we witness a ripple affect within our communities, our government, along with the educational and medical systems, just to name a few. We have all been affected to some degree, whether it's radical and life altering, or on a lesser level, but, if you ask me, our society as a functioning unit has become quite the mess to behold and contend with. I would like to venture to make a simple comparison, and say that our present and recent past state of being, is similar to that of a necklace chain, a chain which was once untangled, shiny, and streamlined, but now is a knotted mess. Long story short, we have a lot of "untangling" to do so that we may once again wear that necklace. When one steps back and takes inventory of our countries' many "knotted necklaces," it's very clear that many of our systems do not work as well as we have long hoped, planned and envisioned. But, even with these many broken systems, we are doing our best to continue hobbling along. Our country has many resources which are unheard of in so many other nations, and while it's most certainly an uphill battle to obtain a larger number of these resources for survival during hard times, it is possible, and many of these resources are part of our rights as a citizen of this country. 

We are said to have one of the best judicial systems on the face of the earth, some of the best, most advanced healthcare which is sought out by many persons outside of the United States, and of course, the opportunity to "live the dream." While such subjects can very easily garner conversation and agruement for days upon end, there is one I'd like to focus on today: SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY. Just as when an individual goes to battle to obtain their rightful compensation for something like a car accident, getting an award for disability benefits can be equally, if not more challenging. As a general rule we each pay out certain funds throughout our lifetime to ensure our safety, future, and health.  A basic example: We carry car insurance in order to protect our own interests. With each monthly payment, we have the expectation, that should we find ourselves in an accident (specifically no fault), that we will then be appropriately and fairly compensated. To me, this means that we should not have to fight tooth and nail to receive the amount of assistance required medically and property wise, to rectify the matter. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. It seems, increasingly so, that "we," as a society in general, have to fight (and fight long and hard) to obtain the resources which we are already entitled to. This matter could not be more true when it comes to the question of gaining Social Security Disability. Most of us have heard the horror stories about applying, and trying to gain approval for, Social Security Disability, at one time or another. But, as a general rule, until it becomes your own reality, or that of someone close to you, you are not aware of the massive feeling of injustice and frustration which accompanies it. 

I am so often saddened, disgusted, and completely confused, by the way our government so frequently treats those whom are disabled and/or ill. All too often those who find themselves in need of disability benefits are denied said benefits in the name of "saving money." As citizens of the USA, everyone who works and pays into the social security system relies on the concept that should they one day become ill or disabled, they will, at the very least, have some financial support to fall back on if they find themselves in a position of desperation due to health conditions which are not the result of their own desire, fault or hope. Now, let's not get confused, anyone and everyone should know that benefits alloted from our Social Security Department are not large in quantity by any stretch of the imagination, in fact, the majority of those who collect SSDI don't even receive enough money on an annual basis to push them above the poverty line. But, as we all know, some money is far better than no money. And, just as with unemployment benefits, we the people, pay into this system. Those who collect benefits are receiving money they made during their work history. It's not a free ride, and the total monthly benefits alloted to any given person is determined and based upon the person's former income, ultimately the amount they put into the system. And, that monthly amount is only a fraction of what was once a person's monthly income, not the equivelant. So, for anyone to say that these benefits are a "free ride," money the government and other tax payers are providing, are mistaken. 

Most of those whom apply for disability are doing so out of great need. They are not doing it for fun, because they are lazy, or want to seek some easy way out of working. Individuals applying for disability are usually in a place of financial strain and desperation, and are more importantly, struggling with a serious illness, disability or other medical condition, which severely hampers their life and ability to function and survive. A large percentage of those whom apply for these benefits the first time around are denied. The second attempt may be more fruitful for some, but still, many receive a repeat letter of rejection. And, we can't forget that the process, in and of itself, takes many months, if not years, before that letter of denial is sent to the ill/disabled citizen waiting anxiously for it's arrival. Along the way, most of those in this long, drawn out process are barely scrapping by to make ends meet, all while facing mounting medical bills and a chronic state of illness. In our nation, within our society and it's many communities, we have a general pattern of waiting until things become very desperate before finally helping a person climb out of a deep hole. We build our cities this way and run our healthcare system in the same fashion. Instead of placing a higher value on people, we want to take all the short cuts, throw quality out the window, wait until things are horrible and falling apart, and then we "fix" them. And, ultimately, in these given situations, we have to put much more money into a problem than we would have incurred if we had only taken preventative measures in the first place and spent a little extra doe in doing it right. Is it greed? Is it the lack of patience? Probably. Do we ever learn from this pattern, a broken way of doing things which only seems to leave us in a more desperate place? Seems like the answer is all too often, no. So, while one person cannot change the world, this country, or the various systems we contend with, when the focus is smaller, working only on what we can each do as individuals in our own lives, we learn how to advocate for ourselves and make the system work for us.  Learning how to advocate for ones self creates a shift in power and makes life a little easier, and a bit more fair, if you will. I am not claiming that this action and way of being is easy by any stretch of the imagination, but, it does assist in reducing the overall anxiety, feelings of failure, and stagnancy. It also serves to make a person who feels less than powerful, reclaim more control over their lives and their circumstances.

I am certainly not an expert in matters with Social Security and Disability benefits. I don't know all of the laws, loopholes, or answers for why it is so darn hard to get approved for these benefits, but I do know what I've learned along my journey and I would like nothing more than for my experience and understanding to help others who sit in similar struggles.  I applied for Social Security Disability benefits in January 2009. I was ready to receive a negative response, a letter of denial, the first time around, and knew that I would likely need to hire an attorney. Just the thought of it made my blood boil. Tell me of one person who is chronically ill, or deals with a serious health condition, who has the energy and resources to fight the system! If you are applying for disability, it is pretty much a given that you are already exhausted, fragile physically, financially, and likely emotionally as well. And that feeling of being "beat down" seems to be pretty universal when it comes to such matters, and well, just as insurance adjusters know this of most of their clients, so do the officials deciding cases for such benefits. I thought to myself right off the bat, "do I have that fight in me? Could I go to war again with something else involving something so important in relation to my health, my future and my life?" I wasn't sure, but I did know that no matter what, I needed to take one step, one day, one problem at a time. Otherwise, I was surely going to crumble from the pressure, feeling of defeat, and sense of both hopelessness and powerlessness. It's hard to go to battle with anyone, especially a big system or corporation. But, if you don't learn to advocate for yourself, no one else will. You may not always get the answers you want, but, laying down and giving up certainly doesn't make the process any easier either. 

BELOW I have included some of my findings regarding HELPFUL HINTS in GETTING APPROVED for DISABILITY. They are not a guarantee for being awarded benefits, but most certainly can help, and perhaps make your process a little less stressful and mysterious. When all's said and done, it feels best knowing that you have tried and done everything to the best of your knowledge and ability ... leaving no stone unturned. 

As an individual with a very lengthy medical history (one which is very complicated as well), I have found tremendous importance in making sure that I have all my records at my own disposal, even though my doctors, and the medical system itself, has them on file. It's your right as a patient to have all of your medical records, and as a general rule, whether you are ill, disabled, or seemingly healthy, you do yourself a great service to collect all past, present, and future medical records and keep them in your possession. Even while it's the responsibility of a medical system/practitioner to keep your records on file, you never know what could happen to said records, and you are much better off safe than sorry. Medical records have been known to "disappear," both via accident, and some through intentional, but illegal, disposal. 

To request and obtain your records you are required to fill out a medical records release form. You may contact your medical office's Medical Records Department by phone and fax, but you are better off actually visiting this department in person. If you have more than one medical provider, including specialists and other healthcare practitioners, you may need to fill out multiple release forms, especially if you have been seen at different hospitals and within more than one medical system. Make sure that you collect every piece of your medical record; including any scans, x-rays and test results. There is a section on the form where you check which records you are requesting, make sure to check all of the boxes, and if something is not listed/specified, make sure you check the "other" box and explain the record(s) you are seeking. Yes, you may be required to pay a small fee for some of your records (more specifically your actual physical scans like MRI's, CT's and x-rays), but, trust me, if you find yourself in a less than lovely situation in the future where you need those records and they have magically disappeared, it could mean the difference between a proper diagnosis, denial of benefits, or even a smaller settlement for a medical malpractice lawsuit. 

Do yourself a big favor and create your own medical history file in your home or place of business. This is YOUR RIGHT as a patient. Your medical provider and/or insurance company cannot deny you access and copies to your medical records, and you do not have to disclose your purpose for requesting them, period. If you feel hesitant for any reason, simply mark your reason for request as "continuing medical care." This reason is never a lie, because as long as you are alive, you will always be receiving some form of ongoing medical care. Once you have copies of your medical records, review them and make sure that they contain your entire history. Never give these records away. If someone needs to view/copy any records, make sure you tell them that these records are your own personal copies and must be returned/not kept for use in any new files. Be careful with this matter, as with some medical offices, once you allow transfer of possession, even if you tell your doctor that these are your own personal copies, they can then be kept in their files and they will not release them back to you. I learned this the hard way. So, please ensure that any records you carry with you, are copied and returned to your file/possession that same day. No files left over night! 

When it comes to applying for disability and submitting your case, you want to provide as many medical records as possible. Once you've applied for disability your case worker will request your medical records from various medical practitioners and departments. Do your best to follow up and ensure that they have access and information needed to obtain all of your medical records, as you don't want or need any records, doctors, diagnoses, treatments, and so forth, to be overlooked or not considered. Obviously, the larger degree of records you have, the more serious your condition(s) appears, which therefore, shows an overall greater need. Following along these lines, also remember to include all of your medical diagnoses when you first create your application. Including even those medical conditions/diagnoses you may feel are minor, non-important, or unrelated to your main concern and disability. Again, the more you have, the greater your need appears to those deciding your case. Yes, some of these conditions may very well not affect your life, disability, illness or overall functioning, but, you still have the diagnosis, and so, if you have them, use them to your advantage! 

When it comes to applying for SSDI, speak with all of your medical providers beforehand, or at the start of the application process. Visit with, or contact any and all of the doctors, medical professionals and specialists who may be involved with your past, present and future care. Even if the medical professional only played a small part in your diagnosis and treatment, they may have additional and helpful information for your case. Just as with your number of medical records, the longer your list of healthcare providers (and more diverse), the greater the need and severity of any given illness/disability is presented. Request letters of explanation and referral from as many of these healthcare professionals as possible. Any letters on your behalf (more specifically letters which carry more compassion and factual information which detail how these conditions have negativity affected you and your life), even if they are short and simple, go a long way in developing a better case for obtaining approval. Letters from medical professionals are essential (do try to think out of the box too, as primary care doctors are important, but specialists and other healthcare professionals like therapists paint a more diverse picture of your struggle and general need), as they have the medical expertise required to punctuate your medical diagnosis outlined in records, and such explanations better put a face and life to the various black and white documentation. Also, letters on your behalf from individuals in your life outside of the medical arena are also helpful. Seek out as many people in your day to day life, both those within your family and extended friends, in addition to your co-workers, and request letters directed to the SSDI department as well. You can create a general outline of a letter and have each person either add to it, or simply sign it, or rather, they can start from scratch with their own. While such letters will speak to your illness and/or disability, they need not be as medically focused/centered as those provided from your doctors and other healthcare providers. Rather, these more personal letters are better suited in sharing actual observations and feelings. Have these selected friends and family write something on your behalf which explains what they've observed in relation to how you have affected by your health problems; what has changed in your life and how you may benefit from assistance with disability income. When I applied for SSDI I had a number of people write letters on my behalf and I strongly believe that it positively affected the decision of my case.  

I realize that the process of applying for disability is a long, stressful, frustrating, and all too often, a daunting task. I know that the points I have mentioned above may not be a guarantee for an easy case, but I do hope that by using these tips a few people may find their own application process a little less difficult, and perhaps even a bit shorter from start to finish. Just as with advocating for your own health and learning how to navigate the medical system, when it comes to seeking disability benefits, one of the best things a person can do for themselves is to research and acquire as much knowledge on the subject as possible. It most definitely can be a lot of work, and I understand all too well how much of a struggle this can be. When you are dealing with a chronic illness you have a limited amount of energy and it's a challenge to determine where to best use that energy at times. But, for myself, I have found that matters to do with disability benefits and medical related issues are areas which are to my benefit to spend my limited energy. I hope that if you are wading through the process of a disability application, that you do not give up, continue to fight, and always advocate for yourself. You deserve help and respect. These benefits are your right as a US citizen who has worked hard for x amount of years, and it's simply not acceptable for anyone to say otherwise. You are not alone, even though it may very well feel this way. 


Nolo's Guide to Social Security Disability: Getting & Keeping Your Benefits


Win Your Social Security Disability Case: Advance Your SSD Claim and Receive the 


Benefits You Deserve (Sphinx Legal)Social Security Disability and the Legal Professional (West Legal Studies)


9 Fatal Mistakes Social Security Disability Claimants Make and How You Can Avoid Making Them

Spondylolisthesis

Spondylolisthesis is a spinal condition in which one of the vertebra (usually the lower Lumbar region & Sacrum) slips forward from the vertebra below. Spondylo means spine, and the word listhesis, literally means to slip. While this condition is actually fairly common in general the population, it is rare for the condition to slip to a degree which is great enough to create problems. Physicians and the medical community label the varying degrees of slippage, from least to most severe, as grades 1 through 5. A complete slip, beyond that of a "grade 5," where the vertebra no longer sits on the respective vertebra below, is called Spondyloptosis. This condition can occur at any vertebra level, but is more commonly seen in the lumbar region of the spine. This is the area in which I experienced my Spondyloptosis. I am now considered a grade 5 Spondylolisthesis following a series of surgeries, procedures, a full body cast and extended therapies. My spine is fused from the S1 (Sacrum) through the L5 & L4 (Lumbar).

There are a number of debated "fixes" (surgeries/procedures) for Spondylolisthesis, but due to the infrequency of the condition becoming severe enough to require surgery, they are more experimental than common practice, in my opinion. I am not a doctor, nor am I an expert on this condition, that is, if you consider an "expert" as someone who has specialty credentials in the medical field. Rather, I am simply an individual whom has dealt with this condition first hand for my entire adult life, not to mention the majority of my juvenile years as well. My hope for this page on Spondylolisthesis is to utilize the power of the internet in order to reach as many individuals, in all age groups, who may be dealing with this condition in their life. Whether the condition is labeled at a grade 1, or a case more severe, I hope that my personal experience, insight, and research with regard to the spinal abnormality, may help as many individuals as possible. This condition tends to be less well known than other conditions and diseases, and due to this fact I found it difficult to connect with any fellow sufferer's during my painful, tough, and life altering struggle with this extremely painful condition since my initial diagnosis, I hope to create new dialog and connections within the orthopedic community.

As I mentioned previously, there are several treatments for this condition, which are ultimately determined by the grade level found in any given patient. I believe that it is highly important for anyone whom faces decisions regarding this type of serious medical intervention be able to obtain as much information as possible prior to moving forward with any treatment plan. My recommendation is to thoroughly researching the condition itself, the various surgical and non-surgical options, statistical outcomes, possible side affects, and even the prospective physicians whom specialize in this very unique condition, as all of these components are essential when it comes to advocating for yourself as a patient with Spondylolisthesis. Not only are there several more commonly practiced surgical and medical procedures offered as treatment, but there are also a few alternative options that may work well from both an intervention standpoint in addition to that of preventative measures. The better bet is seeking a combination of treatments, which may result in a more rounded and promising future for a patient. Treatment is often determined by the severity, but even in the most severe cases, there are a few options that may not be presented or addressed by a provider, therefore limiting options, and resulting in a rush for the operating table. Now don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to surgical intervention, as my condition was very severe, and without immediate intervention, my overall quality of life would have been bleak, even fatal. I would also like to note, that like many surgeries, whether it be on your spine or your heart, surgical intervention may assist in increasing the overall quality of life, but it rarely, if ever, makes one "normal" again, nor "fixes" the health issues completely. This is a myth. There will always be a sort of "life long up-keep," which is required to assist in allowing your body to function in the best way possible, in a less than normal state. Again, this is my opinion, which is based simply upon my personal experiences, observations, and research.

I hope that anyone who may be just learning of this condition (parents who are educating themselves with regards to their child's recently diagnosed condition, any adult that has just been diagnosed, and is seeking information, resources, options and help, along with those veteran Spondylolisthesis sufferers), may take time to research the condition to the best of their ability, ask many questions, thoroughly investigate all options that may be available (both western medicine and alternative health care), and feel free to contact me with any questions, advice, stories, or anything else that may be prevalent to the goal of assisting each other in making the pain, along with our general quality of life, a little better.

This condition is a life long presence and battle. It can be very scary, painful, and all around difficult. I will share my timeline from my earliest pain and symptoms, to my surgeries, and ultimately, my current struggles. I pray that this page may help both those facing a Spondylolisthesis diagnosis, along with anyone whom finds themselves seeking support for a family member or friend. Even if I only manage to reach just one person struggling to stay afloat in this overwhelming process, I will be grateful that my painful experience was able to make another's less frightening and isolating. I know that there are others out there, and I cannot allow those whom are facing the same daunting unknown, struggle through the darkness, when I have already walked the journey.

As a last note, if you are dealing with ANY chronic health condition, please take a moment to read both the poem "Footprints In The Sand"; "The Spoon Theory." ~ Blessings ~

The Multifidus Back Pain Solution: Simple Exercises That Target the Muscles That Count

Medifocus Guidebook on: Spondylolisthesis

Teeter Hang Ups Spinal Stretch Back Stretcher